A pattern I have noticed in myself over time is that I get involved with organizations or groups for a while and eventually withdraw from them. I’ve been involved in martial arts, healing practices (Reiki, Healing Touch), meditation groups, churches, and online forums and sooner or later found myself pulling away from these involvements.
One of my inner voices tells me that this pattern shows me to be inconsistent and unreliable. That could be I suppose. There have been times when I have not followed through on commitments as completely as I might wish. This point of view makes me never want to make commitments to avoid the seemingly inevitable lapse that eventually comes.
Another inner voice says it’s normal to try things out and withdraw from them after a while, when their time has passed. I might discover a new food, enjoy it for a while, then find I’m not enjoying it so much anymore and stop buying it. I might be interested in reading about physics for a while, then find after a few weeks that I’m ready for an action novel instead.
At this point in my life, I find myself wanting to withdraw from a number of “outer” involvements to focus more inwardly, to be quieter and calmer, to simplify and have more time for reading and reflection. I’m afraid some of my friends may be disappointed that I’m less available, but that may just be my egocentricity talking. 🙂 As I complete this post, I notice I’m feeling a sense of relief and freedom, and also some sadness.
It’s feeling like it’s time to be a hermit now, until the next cycle starts.